A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Marriage is a three ring circus:Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffe-ring.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Many say monogamy is the same.
Q: Why do brides wear white at the wedding?
A: So the dishwasher will match the fridge and stove.
Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.
Q: What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
A: During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.
Q: What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A: About three inches.
Q: What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A: A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
A. Marry it!
A. A battery has a positive side.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q: What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A: A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
Sexist Jokes, from Female point of view
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
A. His body.
A. Because they're practicing to be men.
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him....or....
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
A: Rename the mail folder to "Instruction Manuals".
A. Because it's never used.
A: They don't have enough time